Quote:
Originally Posted by tomatenoir
Hi Esme,
Ha, count me in as a member of the over intellectualizing club! But in my defence... 
It's not that I don't see these things, just that I don't think they come into play here. The OP has asked us to define abandonment from a T. They haven't asked: "When do you feel abandoned?"
. . . |
OK, from from an intellectual(ized) standpoint (count me in, too), here's a definition of abandonment from that great current resource, Wikipedia:
Quote:
|
Emotional abandonment is a subjective emotional state in which people feel undesired, left behind, insecure, or discarded. People experiencing emotional abandonment may feel at loss, cut off from a crucial source of sustenance that has been withdrawn, either suddenly, or through a process of erosion. In a classic abandonment scenario, the severance of the emotional bond is unilateral, that is, the object of one’s attachment is the one who chose to break the connection. Feeling rejected, which is a significant component of emotional abandonment, has a biological impact in that it activates the physical pain centers in the brain and can leave an emotional imprint in the brain’s warning system.[1]
|
From this definition, feelings are an essential part of what makes up abandonment. It's not just an "objective"/intellectual thing. Not just a feeling state either, though. People can, in reality, be undesired, left behind, insecure, or discarded. That can be a social reality, not just a feeling state. I would argue that we get clued into the fact of that state by our feelings. And, as the Wikipedia article say, it can have a biological impact on the person.
Can these feelings be "mistaken"? Well, sometimes, and maybe. But the tactics that therapists and their ethics definitions come up with to decide it's the "client's fault" make me feel sick. Yes, another feeling state. Disgust. Let me have nothing (more) to do with those people. Survival, on my part.
But I can still talk about it, I don't have to walk away. And I think it's important to talk about, and to continue the discussion.