I have been thinking about this today some more.

T and I are friends on facebook, but I have her kids blocked so I cant see any of the “my mom is amazing “ and “i love my kids” posts that i started seeing.
its better for me to try to not think about it at all.

I think the reason it got worse when she became a grandmother is because 1) my relationship with my grandmother was the only loving relationship I had in my life, and she died several years ago, adn I miss it terribly. 2) I have always longed to become a grandmother too, so i could become like MY grandma, but am unable to even have children of my own, so that is a big hole in my heart.
So my therapjst once again has something else I wojld love to have.

I have to remind myself that my therapist and I have something that is special just between the two of us. that sort of makes me feel better, a tiny bit. we have a unique relationship. not friends and not family , but we are very friendly and very loving, and she does many things with me she would never do with other clients. So while i dont get to have many of the things i wish i could have, (like a loving family, or grandchildren, etc), i try to look for the positive and be grateful for what i do have.