Wow, you have so much going on that needs to be ironed out, rdgrad15, but you're absolutely not alone in that respect. I don't know how it works in your country but my advice would be to see a counselor and talk through all of these things, let it all out, and receive advice and feedback. Can your parents help you to get some counseling rdgrad15? You may need to tell them. And whatever you do, don't begin the act of self harming. My heart goes out to all the self harmers out there who struggle with that. Also, you may have social anxiety. It's often the case with people who read negativities into peoples behaviours without actually knowing if it's true or not. Yes, a paranoia, not uncommon. But hang in there and keep reaching out rdgrad15. It's good that you have the self awareness and the desire to get through these things. You're doing very well.