I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. I’m familiar with this pain, too. My t is a wonderful and supportive mother and grandmother, and she’s always talking about how proud she is of all her kids all over social media. My jealousy and my sadness about not having a maternal presence in my life can be so painful, and it feels worse when I feel like there’s no one I can talk to about it. I visited my t’s favorite place in the world the other day-where she takes her family all the time-and I couldn’t tell any of my companions about the mixed emotions I was feeling re: T. Jealousy can be a silent, stewing emotion, and it can snowball easily. I like what starry night said. It’s good to be grateful for what exists instead of mourning what you pine for and don’t have.
Sometimes therapy seems like a playground built to feed things like jealousy and confusion—and then never offer full relief from the things that bubble up.