This hurts my feelings, Ian.

I'm not even depressed, and I still come here and try to offer whatever small insight I have in response to people here. I originally came here seeking help for my depressed boyfriend, and I have made friends and started caring about others. So now, I'm not even here for myself - I'm here because I care about all of you. You never even replied to the several times I responded to your postings, and now you accuse us of not being sincere and not caring?

Ouch.

On the flip side, what you are saying seems to be a fairly common statement by depressed people. My boyfriend, when he was in one of his low periods, often accused me of having bad intentions. And in the other forum I frequent, for spouses/significant others of depressed people, it seems to be a common issue - that the depressed people in our lives that we love and are trying to help actually resent us for trying. I guess it seems condescending when you're on the receiving end of it. I don't know. It puts the caregiver in a tough spot - try to help/show that you care, and get accused of being insincere, versus leave the depressed person alone and then get accused of not caring.

Ian - I think you need more help than anyone here can give you. The change has to start with you. Forums like this are for support, not for cures. If you want support, this is definitely the place to come. I have read almost all of your posts, and you HAVE gotten some pretty primo support. But you've gotta get yourself a therapist (and I have given you some resources to start looking for free therapy in Edmonton, which I researched while dialed in long distance from a hotel room at 1am. You didn't even acknowledge it) and probably a doctor's appointment to see if there is anything medical going on that is contributing to your depression - it does sound pretty extreme.

Don't push us away - be the kind of person you would want to be friends with.