Has anybody triend?

I just don`t knwo what forum to move it and i think that HERE people post the most
ha!

post
most

Anyways ones i started SI ing at the age of 17 i stopped....for many reaosns....one of them was that i wasn`t REALLY addicted thanks God. I also

SWORE BY THE NAME OF GOD to my Aunt. and when i rememebred that i KNEW that i can`t.

I tried swearing the same way in my head that i will never hatre myself

well - i think that i don`t that much of HATE...maybe..like scolding myself crazyly...about forgetting things and stuff

Lsiten - you may say that i need more time and that self work take it yes it does!

I have been working on it since the age of 13

It`s teh issue of my life to do htings WITH ALL MY HEART
that means that i don`t think i am doing wrong

I have this especially in 2 case these days:

1. When i work and i see things are not working as i planned and i start fo panic and i think that i never work hard enough or not concentrated enough but when i hear students form my class talk about doing homework they talk about the same amounts of time it takse them to do. I feel the same way of "not ok when spenign money or rest i know i FAIL something

RIGHT Now i fail because i have to go to the shower and go to bed but i just got into it

i feel that way when i compare myself to others and i hate it it makes me cry feelings "less" and i KNOW it`s not true

It`s disgusting to think that my self worth has to depend on external thing when i know it should not.

what is annoying me is that i KNOW A LOT of things from psychology AND spirituality....you already heard me here probaly...talking about self reliance phylosophy and pthers and more and more andmre conversaitons with God kittei bayron low of attraction tao te ching adn my own thinking head



You probably heard me here haha

BUT all that stuff I KNOW that i shouldn`t feel like that althoguht the fact i do can mean that i should. exceptence not deniyal.

But in hte end i feel that crappy way...i try sometimes useing my natural emotions- my strongest is anger......so i say %#@&#! whatever **** me

But somehow i don`t knwo if i get to the point

IT`S LIKE- EVERY TIME I FIND A NEW "DEALING METHOD" OR THEORY OR PHYLOSOPHY I rave and i do it for a while and then things get forgotten adn i feel careles adn depressed about the way i am and a looser again

Do you think that in a way people who have it will have to for all their lives?