I don't want to battle the thoughts, have the mental duels between the rational and irrational. I don't want to push though anymore feeling like I'm trying to walk through quick sand. I dont want to wear every hurt, anguish, stress of the day on my face making it so hard to look in the mirror with the hollow expression and sunken eyes. I don't want to be strong. I don't want to act ok...I just want to let it all go, say **** it, just be and see what happens.

But, like my mother used to say jokingly (if she only knew), I don't get the luxury of having the nervous breakdown that I deserve.