NP, that sounds really awful and painful. Have you given any more thought to medication? If you're kind of at the end of your rope, I don't think you have much to lose by trying it, right? I only say this because meds helped remove some of the horrible burden from me to where it became much more feasible to dig out on my own (with the help of my T, of course). I eventually got to a point where I was stable enough to be able to go off them without a problem when I eventually needed to, so it doesn't necessarily have to be a permanent thing, although it's fine if it is.