I think you are struggling with the same issues as a lot of people. It is, I think a life struggle. But instead of feeling like a failure you can try small steps. Today I will do one small thing that reinforces my good feelings. Whatever that is for you. I also think that though you know a lot of different philosophies, that you have not really figured out who you are or who you want to be in the grand scheme of things. I hope this makes sense to you. I had to learn what were the most important values for me? Where do I want to go? How do I want to live? I keep asking some of these questions and finding my way as life changes more. I hope you can reflect inward and learn what is important, what you can celebrate each day. Maybe you will volunteer or something. It's hard to know.