My husband had an emotional affair spanning from October to June with a lady for sake of saying was a coworker (not really a coworker, my husband is a vendor that visits stores to stock the product and has one account that consumes his time) He was a stay at home day prior for 5 years.
Well I would hear reference about this lady quite often, but didn’t think to much about it. Over time I had discovered they text regularly, he texted her often about how he would need to see her smile to brighten his day(he never complements me for anything, and he knows that hurts me), he would send her “I love ya” which is supposedly different than I love you that he sends me (I guess the you makes the difference) and even how a certain songs makes him think of her and they have nicknames for each other. And never mentioned me via text, even excluded me a time when he didn’t have to. I know they would talk about our relationship though cause in one of her text she referred to his hell of a home life.
He has tons of pictures which I also discover and some taken when she didn’t know, some were selfies they took and some of her Butt which supposed was a joke. My husband is 40 this lady is 61 and also married.
For months i would find out little pieces of info at a time, in my head I thought it was my anxiety and I was losing my mind. Then I would sneak and read their Facebook or text messages and I would feel very uncomfortable about their messages and he would continue to say they were just friends. It was clearly more that.
The final straw was she was retiring the end of may, and he was supposed to end contact with her the day after she retired cause he didn’t want to ruin her day. I tried to be understanding. Well the day after she retired, he sent her on both Facebook and text how she was his best friend and the only person he could talk to and how he cried all night she quit and how much he missed her etc. Never mentioned they had to end all communication. Just really lovey.

They were planning on getting lunch together and I had already allowed that once before she quit and told my husband I was upset he planed the 1st one behind my back but I let him because I figured it would help with closure. Days before she retired Well they once again tried to plan a 2nd one behind my back and I got angry and said if they had a second I would separate. Well it cause 3 days of fighting and he said some really nasty things to me and they didn’t have lunch and he was upset and crying cause she felt bad.

Well I read the text he sent her and saw the best friend reference and she replied I ruin everything. I saw red!!!! Me ruin everything, I’ve been going thru an emotional roller coaster for months!!!
So I text her never to contact my husband again and blocked her from his phone and Facebook.
Then he states he would have liked to stay Facebook friends but had no plans on messaging her again and the text he sent her was going to be the last (I really can’t by that, who tells someone they are his best friend on two different means of communication but says he wasn’t going to contact her after that... ya right!!! But he said I’m wrong and he wasn’t going to text her after that and that’s why he can’t talk to me cause I’m always right.

My husband came to his senses and he realizes he crossed the line on something but overall still views it as they were best friend and claims he wasn’t physically attracted to her (I also found crude jokes he would make to guy friends about her and if she was single he would marry her and she “needs to put out” but supposedly that’s just guy talk...smh)

Well a month and a half in to trying to repair our marriage, my husband did say he was sorry for hurting me and he truly does love me and wants to work things out (which I had to send my feelings thru text cause the few times I try to talk to him face to face, even calmly, he gets super defensive) tried to schedule counseling but the only free counseling in the area requires the college student to record it for the professor but after I scheduled it, he refused to go because he felt weird about being recorded. Says we can talk it out ourselves but he’s defensive when I try.

My issue now is he has all the pictures still on his phone, refuses to delete them cause that’s just his friend and he misses her and it’s not fair for me to ask for him to delete them Even though it is his phone, it still bothers the heck out of me he has them. Especially how many times I saw him refer to needing to see her smile via text. And the knowledge that he has them and probably smiles every time he looks at them.

Part of me wants to sneak and delete them all, but I know that will start a fight on invading his personal stuff. But I really just want them all gone! Am I being unreasonable?