Mate try to think positive thoughts for an hour I know it may sound impossible or science fiction but give that a shot.

I have those negative thoughts all the time but I think other people have it as well, but we all struggle like you and I. I have a sister who is in a far worse situation than you and I and I can tell because you still write like you have a problem, my sister believes there is no issue in her and just the world is problem, she has a horrible disorder and that broke my fathers and my soul when we found out. Sorry for digressing I am trying to say you are not alone, you are still better you and me need just to relearn to enjoy life. Blessings friend