I just finished replying to your first post. And as I wrote in that reply I'm not a mental health professional. So, at least in my opinion, it would be inappropriate for me to advise you with regard to what you are experiencing. What you really need to be doing is to be talking all of this through with a psychologist or mental health therapist.

Just in general though my personal, non-professional opinion would be that this has nothing to do with pedophilia or incest. It is likely all symptoms of OCD or some other mental health concern. I would add though that one of the things I believe you need to stop doing, if you can, is to stop this "checking" behavior you're repeatedly subjecting yourself to. That in-&-of itself may well be a symptom of OCD. But under any circumstances it's really just adding fuel to the fire, so to speak.

There is a form of OCD that is referred to as "Pure O". Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of Pure O. Perhaps listening to what Kati has to say on the subject might be of some help. Here's a link to Kati's video:



I wish you well...