I'm sorry you are feeling so defeated. I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to deep peace within...

Here are links to 5 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of what to do when you feel lost:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-you-feel-lost/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...from-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/feelin...g-opportunity/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/thera...-help-therapy/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/so-you...-never-expect/

Please take care...