Thank you all. What you've said is helpful. I'm trying to keep in mind too the innocent little girl I see when I look at baby/child pictures of myself. How could there be anything inherently "bad" about her? She had a difficult childhood and grew up in a family that shamed her for the smallest things and mistakes. She grew up thinking that she was not good enough in almost all aspects of her life and in almost everything she did. She grew up in fear. In an emotionally neglectful and abusive environment. The first mental illness that showed up in my life (at least the symptoms were apparent) was trichotillomania. I pulled my hair out and I was shamed for it. I was made to be embarrassed about it. My parents called it a bad habit and threatened to take away privileges if I couldn't stop. No one knew it was a mental illness. So I internalized it as something wrong with me. But it wasn't. It was a mental illness that developed and I used it to cope. That little innocent girl must still be in me. There's got to be more to me than just the beliefs that were instilled in my head as I grew up. Maybe I can work through this stuff enough and get to a point where the traits of the innocent little girl... who was funny and feisty and sweet and brave and resilient... come back to the surface. Young children are so innocent. We're shaped by society and environment, but I like to think that that innocent child, before she was "poisoned" by society and unfortunate environmental circumstances, is still inside of me and is the "true me."

Anyway. Just trying to further comfort myself I guess. But thank you guys <3 What you said has helped me take a step back and look at things non-judgmentally.