SH tw below. Please take care of yourself and only read if you feel safe to

I used to self harm when I was a teenager. Pretty badly. I have awful scars from it. My T has never said anything about the scars -- I don't know if she legitimately hasn't noticed, or if she knows but won't bring it up until I do. The only time she's brought up self harm is when she noticed cuts on my leg and asked if it was self harm (it was, but I lied to her -- which is terrible, I never lie straight to her face).

The reason I've never brought it up is because I thought it was in the past. Angsty high school me. It's been years since I've self harmed, with a few random days where I have self harmed, like five in the past four years. I figured there was no point in talking about it if it was a thing of the past, I'd rather spend time talking about things that are more relevant.

But now, I have started self harming again. I don't know why. I know I need to bring it up when I see her (not for three more weeks) but I don't know how. I obviously can't pretend like this is a new thing. But I don't know how to tell her that I've been hiding this history from her this whole time, and that I lied to her the one time she asked me directly.