As some of you may know from my previous posts, I have pretty intense parental transference and I see my T as a father figure. There are many things which encourage this: his caring nature, his age, the way he talks to me. Lately, however, the line between the paternal and the erotic has become blurred and I catch myself having these rather... different thoughts about him which feel both exciting and wrong.

I think it has something to do with the fact that he’s the most stable male presence in my life at the moment, so my mind tends to just pick him up and place him in scenarios that fulfill different sorts of needs. He’s safe. It also has to do with the fact that he’s currently on vacation and apparently my mind doesn’t know how to deal with his absence.

Anyway, the thing is, i find the parental transference very healing and I don’t want this new erotic one to interfere with it. There’s nothing wrong with erotic transference in general, but I don’t want to sexualise a father figure. It feels wrong and it makes me feel strange. Any tips on how to sort of switch it off, or tone it down?

I can’t tell him about it, it’s too mortifying. I just need it to go away so I can get through the day without randomly blushing like a complete weirdo and without feeling like I’m going to hide under my chair the next time I see him.