Jennifer,

I can relate to everything you are experiencing. Having been there, I have some advice. First, listen to your emotions, carefully. If you feel like it is time to speak, it's time to speak. Be safe about it. Start by disclosing to yourself. By this I mean, it's one thing to know something in your mind. It's something else to express it outside yourself, like writing it down or drawing pictures of your memories. Then maybe you can combine that with a disclosure to your T -- give the T what you have written to read first, rather than saying it out loud. Maybe your T could read it out loud to you next. The point is, this is scary truth to face. Small steps make sense. Be gentle with yourself.

As for expressing with emotion, and not feeling like your are telling your story with emotion, please know that this is very common in recovery. Sometimes the information has to come out matter of factly, before the feelings can catch up. It's a matter of emotional safety. Again, be gentle and patient with yourself. It's very important that you are noticing these things, by the way. It shows good self-awareness.

Finally, know that you are going in the right direction, but keep going. Don't let yourself withdraw as you go through this process. You deserve to move forward towards healing.

Hope this helps.

be well,

mtd