Thanks for the replies everyone. I just feel that I am too far gone. I am living with such limitations these days. I have almost no social skills and when I am around people I feel terrified, too scared to talk to people, look at people, approach people, or just be around them, don't know what to say or how to act. Being isolated for so long it is the norm for me, and being around people is incredibly difficult and painful. This is the reason why I don't leave my room much or go out. The most I can do is emails, texts, messages, phone calls, and video calls. But face to face in person, especially in groups freaks me out. No social life whatsoever, and spend a concerning amount of time by myself, but I feel worse when I am around people.....so kind of stuck.

I feel I lost a huge part of myself comparing to two years ago. With my mental decline, I feel I am not as intelligent as I was before, that I am not in shape looking well and healthy, and that I have never been this ill, unstable, and troubled as I am now. I don't see a way out of this. I don't see how things will get better or change. I don't think I will get my intelligence back as I have lots of cognition problems. I feel too sick to do anything about my body image, and certain aspects I am afraid will not change. Do I have to accept things the way they are now, and expect that it will be like this from now on, or worse...because that is quite a miserable way to live. I can't sustain living like this indefinitely or for things to get worse. Which makes me think it is not worth it to try anymore or to go on. I can only hope that by keeping on trying I will find the right treatment, as well as lifestyle changes and things that work for me.