i have read horror stories on the internet how folks are treated upon arriving at the hospital and am afraid this would make everything worse for me. I am searching for my therapist cell number still, i feel really bad though like i let her down by not showing up today. I just feel really alone, really scared. none of my family even knows about my depression, or the work i took off. I feel like i am living a lie every moment and there is no way out. I just wish the pain would stop, i am tired of hurting all the time. Why, if the is a god, would he let this happen to me? why do i deserve this? i have been through so much in my life, and now it is just overwhelming. Thanks for all your well wishes, i just hope i can make it through this.