Why am I a loser? Why am I even posting this after making a complete fool of myself here the other day? Total idiot.

I don't know why I thought I was good enough to find a friend, me a pile of rotting garbage. pathetic I know how to kill the feelings of loneliness, I did it years ago and it lasted a long time. It is just really painful but I can't do it because it requires finding someone to treat me like I deserve and no one talks to me anymore. Last was in 2002, my last girlfriend broke up with me because one of her friends didn't like me for some unknown reason and offered her $50 to dump me so she did. At least I know my value, to be honest that seems really high for an ugly loser. I always wonder if her friend offered her $10 if she would have done the same thing, probably. That plus hurting myself for a few months just killed any feelings for anyone outside my family. Until recently, when I did an really stupid thing, even for me and bought a house.

Spending all that time with someone so nice and fun really ruined me. She will still talk to me but her business went off the charts awesome after she helped me. So is very busy, which is wonderful. She really deserves it. Who says there are no rewards for helping idiotic losers?

Before that, I was doing relatively well. Coming down from the stress of the house is causing massive headaches, lots of neuro issues and I think my house might be haunted. I bought a newer home to avoid noises triggering my psychosis. But I am supposed to be alone in the house and there are sounds coming from everywhere. My daughter never hears them and I never do when she is here. It makes it difficult to sleep. On a good night I fall asleep at 4 and wake at 730 or so. Although my sleeping cycles a bit, last week I would sleep until 2PM. I really am cycling and I am not bipolar and I have more energy when I sleep less.

I am sorry for this, no one deserves to read endless whining from someone who deserves all the pain and issues he is getting and more.