Yeah I guess you are right, I mean I have made alot of progress, I think I am just trying to force myself to get better faster. I don't think that is really good for me, I shouldn't be so forceful on myself. I think it's because there are alot of people who have always placed high expectations on me. Well being second in my class and now that it's been 4 years since graduation, I really have nothing to show for it. I have been having major issues the last 3 and well I am not even really going to college right now, I work 8 hours a week and am on SSI, sometimes I wonder, what kind of life is that for someone who is actually fairly intelligent. It deffinitely gets in my way quite often. I actually think my intelligence itself gets in my way of getting better, I am an expert avoider and I find ways to weave in and out of situations, that is how I learned to dissociate I believe. I am also very creative and artistic so the combination of the two can be a blessing but a curse as welll.