Without too much detail... my T randomly tells me yesterday in session that he is leaving today for 2 weeks. No outside contact. (partly due to where he is going because it's one of those places T's sometimes go to cut off the world and partly due to his boss insisting that he cut off all work related stuff for 2 weeks)

I'm struggling so much with the sudden-ness. He told me he was going away but said mid august and said a week. We have had outside contact in some form every week since we met. This is a massive routine change which I struggle with and with my anxiety, I'm convinced already that he's gonna forget me and ban me from ever having outside contact again. I feel like I'm being punished.

I am very independent, always have been. I've spent a lifetime learning to cope alone, so it's not that I can't. In my own ways, I can. I've got no choice really... but he's also the most supportive person in my life and I care deeply about him. I feel like I've had yet another death in my life.

I'm very concerned that he will forget me while he is away.... only remembering me when he sees my name on the calendar in 2 weeks and silently sighs to himself. I'm concerned we wont ever have outside contact again which has been very helpful to me in building and maintaining the trust and comfort. Normally he understands my fear of something happening to him and is more than willing to check in to let me know he's ok. This time it's like he basically is saying "Well, too bad, F you and good luck" I feel so worthless.

Anyway... how to I stop these thoughts since I can't discuss them with him? How do I somehow keep the connection that already feels like it's fading?

I get that he had no choice, he was forced to go NOW by his boss, stress related and that's why she is insistant on cutting off work but knowing that all I am to him is "Work" is the worst feeling.

We didn't talk much about it because I was so blindsided. He was kind and kept me late, tried to give me as much info as possible about this trip to ease my fear of him dying, and gave me something to take for 2 weeks that is special to us, he even texted me after session something funny and a goodbye, see you in 2 weeks type thing. He told me had me last intentionally so I was the last one he saw before he left and he has me on his first day back, that's great but 2 weeks is so long. I cant help but think without our usual routine, this bond we have created, the trust, everything will just die. I can't help but think of how worthless I am to him that he can't and wont check in with me even once. I see so many people here who get that when their T's go on break and mine has always been so good to me with that, so it just feels intensly personal.

I mean I get that he needs this break, I hope it helps him, I really do, but I also can't help how shocking and painful the sudden-ness is.... if he had given me a few days notice, I could have prepared more and had things written out to say, but I just sat there, crying and in a daze....mostly saying nothing important. Now I'm filled with regret.

I just need some reassurance on my worries about things with us and some advice on how to keep the connection going, or try to. I feel like someone stabbed me in the heart.