Hi Emaa...reading what you wrote, I don't see this as rape. What I see is a terrible first sex experience with someone who doesn't deserve you. I'm so sorry you experienced that. It really hurts to care about and want someone who doesn't care about and want you. It may not be rape (just my opinion), but it doesn't make what happened to you any less painful or hurtful (or profoundly impacting on you). You are young but I'm sure you have many great things to offer the world, and the people you have relationships with.