I had T today and somehow it made me feel worse. i got everything out but maybe not all of it?

so i got home and binged. i knew it was emotional/comfort eating but i wouldnt be alive otherwise now.

im trying to distract myself from death focusing on ana behaviors and they help a lot but sometimes not at all. and i dont want to go back to alcohol or SHing. im just trying so hard to survive.
survive in general but today more than other times.

i feel like giving up so much

what or who can help me surviving? HELP PLEASE