Thank you all so much for your responses!

Xynethesia, what you have written strikes a cord with me. I think part of me is trying (although perhaps not too consciously) to imbed him in myself in a way, because he has certain personality traits that I deem desirable. In that way, it makes sense for the transference to morph based on what I think I need at different times. Very interesting to keep an eye on even if somewhat uncomfortable.

When I wrote the original post in this thread, the way I thought of him was trough the prism of some form of erotic transference which has since died down a little. I am not back in the more familiar (and comfortable) terrain of thinking of him platonically, almost as if through the eyes of a small child. I don’t know what caused the shift, it just seems to have happened overnight.

“We sometimes sexualise our intense, childlike feelings towards our therapists because our adult brains don't know how to make sense of the intensity and the desire for affection other than to sexualise it.” Thank you for this, Echos, I hadn’t thought of it. It makes a lot of sense in a way.

DP, I journal more than I live haha. I don’t know what I’d do without it, I think I’ve spend days writing every minute detail about my relationship with T. It definitely helps to write it all down and look back over it with a clearer head. Thanks for the suggestion.

I guess exploring this sort of stuff in session can be helpful, but at the same time everyone has these sort of thoughts from time to time. If they don’t interfere with therapy, there’s no reason why I should bring them up with him.