Hi all, thanks for the kind words thus far. Yesterday was rough, still a lot of shock and processing. I think I'll be ok at least until tomorrow afternoon, when we have our usual check in and it never comes.

Today I'm far too busy with work to go out and do much but I will take some time to write a letter to T. I'll try to do a letter every other day.

I still worry that even though I find ways to manage, because I will, it's all I've ever known how to do..... that everything will be different when we see each other. There will be a distance and uncomfort/trust on my end.... and I still fear he will forever cut me off outside contact. That is something I can't deal with, I thought when that time came it would be gradual thing he would help me get used to but this is sudden and I think he's just gonna keep it cut off from here on out. This has been a huge part of my progress in trusting him. The outside contact gives me way more room to feel bold/assertive than the office does, there is still something nerve-wracking about sitting in that room. I talk but not deep, not really too assertive. Sigh... it would be terrible to lose all that but mentally I'm preparing for it all to go south.