C is no doubt a toxic friend, and I am sticking to having defriended her. However, her hurtful words are ringing somewhat true.

She said, “You better take back your husband because you are miserable with or without him, and you are so crazy no one else will ever put up with you. You have BPD, and you need an intervention.”

Well, I have not been miserable without him. I have been doing just fine and happy to not be on an emotional roller coaster that I am on with him. Without him, I have been stabile. If I am so crazy no one will put up with me, then I am fine with that. Honestly, I am not terrified of never having a partner again. I feel old and all my friends are also happy having their own space and keep boyfriends who do not live with them, so maybe it’s a good thing for many women if they can make that happen, rather than being in bad marriages.

While I don’t think I have the disorder, I do have traits. I do have feelings that are all over the place. I am learning healthy ways to cope and have been handling myself in a good way that does not make anything worse. Now that I recognize this, staying stabile is easier to do and simply avoid the triggers.

I had a huge change of feelings last night, 180 degrees in 1.8 seconds. He did one small thing that made me happy. It made me want to take him back, miss him, want to love him. But I know I can’t keep going back and forth.

I feel so stuck I wish I could just disappear.

Her haunting words about an intervention gnaw at me.