She said something to me this evening about me not wanting responsibility. I don't remember what the context was. Damn.

I don't know what would have happened had she pushed me harder to do weekly back when I went to every 2 weeks. I probably would have quit. I wasn't in a place at all to admit to MYSELF that it wasn't h telling me we couldn't afford it. It was all me. It's been all me all along. I ****ed up. Everything. All of it. I should have just let her refer me out when she moved up north. This could have all been avoided. I'm so good at this persecuting my victim self. Ugh. I'll get over it. But tonight I am going to wallow. Me and Jose (Cuervo).