Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Perhaps this woman was a kind of "therapist" for your husband, did you ever consider that? Men can have a harder time emotionally and they can get very lonely. Perhaps that was something your husband was experiencing and then he met this older woman who had/has a more positive outlook on life and he found her a very pleasant person to be around and part of that could also include that because she was also older and married, she was safer in that the relationship actually was really "just" a friendship relationship.
I think that you want certain things from your husband that he genuinely doesn't "know" how to provide for you. A friendship like you describe can become an actual vehicle for learning and in this learning can help him see relationships in a new more positive light overall. Perhaps through this woman he was learning how to be more of a free spirit instead of feeling "alone" and having to know how to be a perfect husband or anything perfect for that matter. And that is part of these butt jokes in that one can learn to laugh and another's big butt instead of embracing perfection and criticism. When someone's smile imprints in one's mind, often it's not so much the smile, it's all the things behind the smile that revolved around looking at life in a much more lighthearted way that can be so freeing. I bet she makes him laugh and laughter is ALWAYS good medicine.
Do you ever just "laugh" together? Or is everything just serious. Did you ever think about getting to know this woman yourself? You may actually like her yourself, but that will not happen if you only see her as a threat or some kind of competition.
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Thank you!
I actually have thought of a lot of those points this thru out whole experience (lack of friends, etc) and you have made some really good
points!
Although the age difference, my husband ex right before me was 18 years older than him and he wanted to marry her but she ended up unfortunately caught back in an addiction (she was a former addict) and they broke up.
The butt pictures would bother me cause he would text another male vendor all the time how nice her butt was, and how he would marry her if she was single and some crude jokes as well (sexual in nature)
Added with the fact I’ve was excluded from his conversation with her. Example, he had pinched nerve in his arm and I ran him to the er cause we didn’t know if it was a heart attack or something of the sorts. That’s how he found it was a pinched nerved. The second I left the room to have a cigarette, he took pictures of himself in the hospital bed and the second we were in the car leaving the hospital he sent the pictures and said how much he wished he could call but their were other people in the room (aka me and I still thought they were just friends at the point in time, so I would have no problem with him calling her) and told her he had a tia stroke.
He would lie to her to see if she cared and for the attention if the only reason I can think of. That’s only one example, I have many more examples.
We use to get alone great, laugh and joke around a lot but life at that time was beating us down. He hated he had to work, I think in some ways was made him resentful of me he had to. I use to make very good money and financial could afford to have him be a stay at home dad. But when I switched job, I needed him to go back to work and we were financially sinking. He tried to quit 3 days into his job and I told him he couldn’t unless he found something else.
He would take pictures of himself crying after we would fight (over her) and say he was depressed and alone and of course he would respond by being more attentive to him via Facebook messager or text which would cause us to fight more... a vicious cycle