You sound a very nice,intelligent person Beth; your father
sounds like a very insecure 'Adult-Child' (adult body,child's
mind),this may have occurred when he was a child,with abuse or not being loved-whatever the case,YOU are responsible for YOUR life,and HE is responsible for his.Since it does not seem HE will change/do something different,it looks like that is up to YOU--it is NOT selfish to look after one's self,to not allow one's self to be abused,to CARE for one's self . . .I shall leave you with my favourite quote:
"In order to love,or even like one's self,one must behave in ways one can respect and admire."
COURAGE,
BLUEDOVE