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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66
I get restless and have had several relationships between my two long-term ones. The commonality? My mania and need for thrill seeking adventure. I am bipolar and one of the hallmarks of mania is to go through relationships from one to the other and being hyper sexually active. Looking back on it, I walked away from the two relationships during bouts of mania. I in fact needed to do so anyway, but the mania fueled the assertiveness and confidence to do so. Can you recognise any of this in yourself?
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To be honest I don't feel manic. I most definitely have been there and that usually resulted in bouts of promiscuity and the like. I'm medicated and taking them MOSTLY as prescribed. I've walked away from ALL of my relationships. The only ones who left me were after I broke up and we did that dance of on again off again and then they FINALLY got over my nonsense and that's a long time ago anyway.
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Originally Posted by golden_eve
I am wondering what is missing in your current relationship, and why is it so unstable?
The instability to me speaks to your desires for someone else. Perhaps your current relationship is not the right one for you.
Also, it seems you have a pattern of being attracted to the bad boys -- someone in prison and now, someone who has been locked up for 30 years. Innocent or guilty, he's been locked up for a very long time. Not to mention, you work with him. I am not judging, but this seems like very poor judgement on your behalf. It is also inappropriate to extend relations with this man outside of your work environment. That is also very poor boundaries and poor judgement.
Are you in therapy? I think it would greatly benefit you to see a therapist to talk about your issues. Again, I am not judging, I am just being open and honest about what I see based on your post, and I think you need to evaluate your relationships & behavior more deeply.
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Everyone always wants to think I have a thing for bad boys and I really don't. My boyfriend is super religious. DEVOUT. Great guy. I just don't nix things where other people might is the way that I see it, which is why my first husband was 20 years older than me when I was in my 20s and my boyfriend is 21 years younger than me now that I'm in my 40s. I put thrill seeking in the title but it's not the bad boy thing that is the thrill seeking, it's the novelty thing.
No, not in therapy. Was about to be and then my dental work derailed those plans. Once my job moves closer to home again, maybe I can afford it. I spend way too much on gas right now. Once we move back (hopefully next month) it will be like getting a raise - I spend so much on gas.
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Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch
I don't think you can have both. And neither option seems totally secure for your long term future. Where do you see yourself in 20 years time with the 26 year old? Where would you see yourself in 20 years time with the guy that you lust after? Probably nowhere with both to be honest.
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I can see myself better with the guy I'm hot for and that's why it's so hard to want to let it go. We're into a lot of the same things and he's my perfect complement, meaning, if you know Myers Briggs, he's the best match for me by personality. I'm ENFP and he's INTJ, one of the most rare personality types. The only thing that makes it hard to imagine him 20 years down the line is my history of relationships. 5 years is about my max and yet I'm looking at him like HE has the potential to be the one to break that pattern. It's still very new and obviously there's a lot I don't know about him, but it just clicks, which is why it's hard to let go.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
Neither relationship will be successful in a long run because both men are not in
A stable pls e and you are tying to save them. Not a good start. I also advice you not to mix work and pleasure. I hope you see a therapist
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Originally Posted by Bill3
Who or what helps you overcome dangerous impulses? What has helped in the past? Do you see a psychiatrist or therapist?
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My friend just pointed out my "need to be needed." I googled that and codependent came up. I'm planning to go to CoDA next week since i can't afford therapy right now.
Have I ever overcome dangerous impulses? Medication has helped in the past and does now. I think I'm not seeing this as "dangerous" as everyone else and that might be my problem. It's only my CAREER on the line, right? I'm not in therapy but I have two incredible people in my life that I go to with major life problems. For the first time ever my friend today told me that she feels inept on how to best guide me. She points out though that this is a bad path if I want to be taken seriously in my field and I feel like that's true on the one hand, but also can be overcome. I'm not planning on staying with my company forever. It's definitely a stepping stone and I feel like this doesn't have to be something that EVERYONE knows about so that it damages me, so long as I can keep it under control until he leaves my program in November. But then again, I'm probably delusional.
Thank you everyone for the replies. Sorry it took me so long to respond but I came for days and nobody said anything for a bit. Just happened to double back now.