Thanks Cyrano,

I am trying to feel strong like I usually do, but being triggered puts you in a place of terror and it is hard to fight it. I am a different person when going through PTSD. I am struggling it seems now and I hate that feeling. It is hard when you thought you have overcome PTSD, only to be triggered many years later, than realize you aren't okay. I knew I wasn't totally okay that is why I am in therapy, but I thought I conquered the beast of PTSD, that feels disheartening right now.
When my T told me I am suffering from the effects of PTSD, tears just rolled down my face. When we did EMDR on my fear of my mom, my hands were grabbing my coat for dear life. My hands hurt after that session from holding so tight. It takes a lot of energy to be scared because I am exhausted, but yet scared to sleep because I might have a nightmare or flashback. I hate feeling this way again. Thanks for your support, it helps, I know you have a tough time too.