Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn
I just can't seem to let go of t saying something about all the wasted time yesterday. I know, I know. Stop it. I'm trying. I want to talk to her about it because she hasn't answered my email from last night and I know she's not going to anyway so I don't know why I even bothered to send it. I want to know if she really honestly thinks that the past almost 7 years was a waste. It makes me cry thinking that she might think that. I don't think it was wasted. Not any of it. Can't she see how much I have changed since I first came to see her? Is she feeling like a failure maybe because I came back a month after quitting? Or because it's been almost 7 years and I'm still there? My mind won't shut up. Stop it, Artie. I'm NOT drinking tonight, don't worry Una. I'm letting myself feel all of this. I want to talk to her so much.
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I would encourage the opposite, the more you try to stop thinking the more it the more it pops back up. The main thing i get from your post is your unease at going back to therapy after you said you were quitting.I don't think she's judging you but I think you're judging yourself for not being done yet. You guys talked about all the ways you had changed in your previous sessions- why would she go back on that?
I would suggest writing it all down on paper and writing out a "response" from her to help calm you down.