A couple of other things occurred to me to say....

This attraction is beyond just sexual. Yes, for me (and obviously him) that was the initial thing, but in the two weeks since the initial post it has become something else. HE is the one who said come November (when he will leave my program) I need to ditch my boyfriend to move this forward.

My concern was more about my issues and how they might affect him than the workplace concerns. Workplace concerns is where my people are concerned for me. According to my job this would be considered a boundary crossing, but it's not like I have a therapeutic relationship with him. I'm basically a glorified babysitter because you can't leave a house full of felons alone. My relationships with all of the residents have always been friendly and beyond what my job deems appropriate but they tell us to follow the "goldfish rule" which is that they shouldn't know you have one, which is INSANE. I talk about my personal life - what I do at school. What I did on the weekend. I mean for Christ's sake even my past therapist shared stories about his life. The only difference here is that we have acknowledged and discussed the mutual attraction and the desire to continue outside of here.

Boundary crossings here are a concern mostly for SECURITY REASONS. Think about a prison. There is the potential for bringing drugs, cell phones, etc. Also, according to the law, he CANNOT CONSENT to sex due to the actual power dynamic given to me by my position as baby sitter. But if you think about ANY OTHER JOB other than this or a therapist, it's OK, and even encouraged to build relationships with clients. If you're in sales, you take clients out and relationships form. If you had your own business there's a good chance that your attorney might be invited to a barbecue in the summer. So part of my problem is that personally, I don't see anything wrong with the relationship in and of itself. We actually ARE two consenting adults. The problem is that my job deems it inappropriate, but there's a lot about how my boss handles things that is inappropriate. She doesn't know how to talk to the residents or staff. She treats everyone like garbage, but in the grand scheme of things there is nothing wrong with being a crappy person.

My real concerns here are why I can never be happy with what I have and the potential of hurting this man who has already endured a lot of difficulty in his life. When I brought my concerns to my sister my main issue was that I didn't want to "inflict" myself on him and that was what she homed in on - why do I choose that word?

I told him I was going to back off. I feel like I was coming on a little strong and I told him whatever this is will be at his pace. He said, "We are going to be ok with each other ,one way or another,so do not worry about this BS. Time will tell where everything goes. I am a grown a.s.s. man, and I just need to figure out what life is all about. This $hit isnt easy. On ANY level. So please just try and chill a little. Ok?"

Later I had said something to the effect that I don't feel like I'm helping matters any and he told me that I do help him.

My concern was me imagining the implosion of this relationship like the ones before it. But what if it doesn't? What if this is actually the best thing to happen to the both of us?