I'm sorry you've had such a painful and terrible experience.
Finding the right therapist can take time and sometimes is exhausting and frustrating. However I'm sure if you are determined, you'll be able to find the right T for you. Please don't give up. You can be helped and you deserve all the help and support you need. Don't give up just because you weren't lucky in the past.

I myself have had to interview about 5-6 therapists before I found the right one for me. And you know what? Even with this best therapist, the first month was very difficult we couldn't agree on the best approach. So yes I fully understand how desperate one can get, when you not only suffer so much, but also have to manage some awful therapy experiences. I do know how it is... But I also know how cool it can get when you finally find "the one".

So please give yourself a chance and try to ask for help once again.