I definitely understand the abandonment issues. I have BPD and have made horrible choices because I've been so afraid of being alone. Please don't ignore those red flags. For your sake I hope you only end up as friends with him, this relationship sounds really horrible for you and that's not fair to you. He needs to get better (not necessarily 100%, just enough that he's not hurting you constantly) before he should consider a relationship.

As for calling someone a boyfriend without meeting as WishfulThinker is addressing, I think that's up to the individual couple. Committing to someone online only for a bit isn't a bad thing and is what I hope for so that I can have a safe distance to get to know someone a bit better before meeting. What you do need to be aware of though is that online only relationships, including friendships, can be very shallow and fleeting and people often aren't the same offline as they are online.