Feeling a bit better. Decreasing the Lamictal dose plus not being right before my period plus sleep plus being around people and socializing was enough to get me out of that really dark kind of dangerous place. Yesterday I met up with a cousin and spent the day showing her around town. Lots of walking, spending time in the sun, and socializing which put me in a good mood. Still had to block these dark, intrusive thoughts. My doctor should call me on Tuesday and I will tell him I think this is the Lamictal doing this and I should stop it. I know he thinks this is just the illness, but the increased effect on the higher dose before my period is enough evidence for me. He seems very surprised by intense responses, but I am not. I am surprised by the specific reaction, but my body is very sensitive to minor things and my moods, hormones, even chronic inflammation are all connected. It is a gentle balance for me and I think most meds available will be too much. In the future, if meds are more able to be tailored to individuals and fine tuned it might help, but perhaps not right now. Not giving up on meds yet, but thinking they are making me worse than baseline so far.