I admitted myself a couple of weeks ago after going through a very deep depression on a trip with two of my friends, one being a friend of over 10 years and the other a close co-worker, who witnessed everything. I had never felt so alone. It was all in my head. My friends didn't know what to do and would just let me cry and cry in the bathroom. I guess they were over it. I was too. I understood. I apologized profusely on the flight home, as my issue was not to be an excuse. However, I knew my episode wasn't me. They wouldn't understand that.

Returning from vacation, neither friend would talk to me for days. Again, I understood. Those who haven't dealt with mental illness really don't understand. It's not their fault.

I ended up admitting myself because the depression only got worse. I sought another friend I hadn't seen in about a year, and she took me to the ER that night. She was there with me through it all. She called me every day when she could have just turned her head the other way.

My friend of 10 years called me 5 days later after finding out I admitted myself and what my diagnosis was, as I'm very close with her mother and her mother told her. She was incredibly nice on the phone about everything. I couldn't help but feel resentful, and I was trying to block those feelings. So, I stayed positive on the phone. She then tells me that she told the co-worker where I was and that I was diagnosed with bipolar asking if it was okay of her to say that. Again, I stayed positive. On the inside, I felt betrayed. I didn't want to get into it on the phone.

After hanging up, I went to my room at the hospital and cried and cried. I felt so betrayed. I wasn't close with the co-worker, and I felt it wasn't her place to tell her anything. Since she is a co-worker that I haven't known very long, how was I to know that she wouldn't blab? I was also frustrated that my friend of 10 years was quick to talk about me to other people, yet she only called me one time the entire week I was there. I was also still trying to process the diagnosis myself, as it was shocking and depressing in itself. A part of me could see why she might've told her to explain and excuse my actions on vacation, but at the same time, why should she.

I know a lot of my feelings are irrational and dramatic, I know this. However, I can't seem to let it go. It's causing me huge distress. Am I being irrational? I don't think she's a terrible person by any means, but I just don't want anything to do with her right now and she keeps contacting me asking what she did. I just don't know what to do, as I'm so close to her family. They have always been my family. The co-worker hasn't reached out to me, and I haven't reached out to her. For good reason, we aren't and have never been close.

I know, I know. Why worried about "friend drama" but we've always been each others biggest supporters. I'm not close with my family, so her and her family has always been mine too. I spend Christmas with them. I feel like I've lost a family all over again. Many say to suck it up and realize no one is perfect, which is true. However, she of all people knew I've been struggling for a good part of my life. I also see her side in that she probably needed the space after the vacation.

Advice? It's eating at me. Sorry for the extensive post, I tend to write novels as it helps me vent and get it. Thank you.