Generally speaking physical ailments are the easiest to recognize. When physical causes are ruled out then metal issues are sought out. But what about spiritual issues. Obviously those are addressed too. To feel well all three have to be addressed and made well.

With so many differing opinions on spiritual and mental issues it is no wonder that people feel lost and helpless. And even then people who have answers can actually be harmful when they just give answers to a person who is lost. I mean that sometimes a person is so lost that they will take the first answer that comes along and not question it until it’s too late. And then they have become more lost, less trusting, and further from the truth. I guess that explains how cults come about.

I'm sorry but I'm not sure what my point or question is right now, I'm mostly writing my thoughts out for my own benefit.

I guess part of what I'm trying to figure out is myself and whether my struggles are mental, physical, or spiritual, probably all three. I don't need too much help with the spiritual, I've done much research and no about many religions and I know that there is only one that can be right. The only question I ask myself sometimes is whether or not we can know God. I know that if we can know Him than I have my answer because He has made himself known and if we can't know Him than it doesn't matter anyways. I'm working on answering some of the questions I either answered before or forgot the answers to and some of the questions I have now that I never asked before.

That leaves me with the physical and mental. Physically I've been seeing doctors and trying to make sure I'm completely healthy. This is difficult because I feel like I’m complaining and like they will find nothing wrong and think I’m just going there for attention. I know that is not completely true since they have been finding some things wrong like my stomach is irritated and has mild inflammation, which they gave me medication for. And in a way I'd really like them to find something serious enough to explain my mental symptoms. That may or may not happen and thus I have to look into that area too, for things not physical.

So, that leaves me with my mind. Part of the difficulty is what I've already explained in my post on the General Board "I'm so confused". And if it is simply bipolar that would actually be great news in the since that there are medications and that leaves a lot of hope. However there is also my complex past which I have shared with people but like my current T says, I haven't gotten that deep. So that is also good news because I would like to get deep and have someone trained to talk to on a regular basis. I know how helpful that will be since I can go over my story in my head but it really leads nowhere, only occasionally do I actually help myself. The process will go much faster when I'm talking to another human that can help sort things out and maybe I'll remember what I feel like I've forgotten if there is really anything to remember in the first place.

So I guess now I know where I am and where I need to go. In the meantime I'll just have to wait and try and enjoy where I am know. Guess that's something that I have a hard time doing when what I'm doing doesn't seem exciting. However, I am raising a child and while she doesn't do much right now, my role is actually important. It seems quite dull because I'm not jumping out of planes, or practicing my rifle skills, or navigating to someone lost in the woods, but it is still important and I need to constantly remind myself of that.

Thank you all for your support. It’s been helpful to reconnect myself to the world since I've been kind of a recluse for the past year. Moving will be good and give me greater opportunity to reconnect in the real world. I'll even be able to get back into one my old hobbies (martial arts).