I think my birth order and only status gets complex and bizarre. I had a mentor years ago who said that I don't behave like an only when I had mentioned it years ago. So here goes.

I'm the only child by my mother and father. I was born with a cleft lip and palette so my mother didn't want to take the chances with genetic roullette and have more. That created some medical expenses so mom actually found some night work waitressing with my dad's teaching salary. I spent a large amount of time growing up at my grandparent's. My gram said that she enjoyed having me around so much as she was about to empty nest and was going through menopause and other health issues like diabetes and high blood pressure. I rather attached to her. My uncle was still living with them and began college, hence him kind of watching out for me my whole life.

My parents divorced when I was 9/10. It was bitter and dramatic. My dad wound up with custody. Mom quickly remarried. My dad though making sure I was signed up for every possible activity under the son was well kind of absent and these days dcf probably would have had a field day for the amount of times he'd take off evenings to the race track or galavanting in the dating scene. Mom had me 3 out of 4 weekends. And vacations, vacations were more with my grandparents. My mom moved 2 states over to where I am now when I was 11/12. My dad became really unstable and unsettling. We moved about 7 times between the ages of 13-15. My grandfather became ill around the age of 14. He passed when I was 17. My dad met my stepmom when I was 14, and moved us in with her. She had a 15 year old son and 12 year old daughter. They married when I was 15 and she discovered she was pregnant with her 3rd child. About 1.5months before the baby was born there was chaos and drama and I was told to pack my bags. My mom and stepdad picked me up. That was also a couple of weeks before I turned 16. Cruel words were said, such as good luck with her you are going to need it. And poof. Am I an only child or oldest born to my father? I don't quite know. I'm no apple in his eye, undoubtedly but not deservingly.
My gram has seen better days as she's in a rehab hospital after breaking her hip. My mom has passed as has my stepdad.
My uncle is getting ready for retirement and attending to his bucket list items.
I have some good bonds with some friends. I'm raising three sons and stay in contect with some of my cousins.
My half sister has some mh illnesses that have been in full swing. I question my own father's mh.
I've been affected in my ability to trust which I have to stay mindful of. I have an underlying dormant illness. And sometimes I realize my aloneness in this world. I've learned how to make allies.
I get very stressed where there used to be anger and resentment. Sometimes I feel like I've been handed the short stick and forgotten about. I tend to attract men that can be protective to a possessive flaw. Or I bring out the insecurities through my being sometimes withdrawn. It affects that side of me. I guess? It affects me in motherhood because I try to not do those things that pained me so horrendously.