Collene....

You can get through this. That is a lot to handle right now and you definately have an opp to feel out of control, scared, worried, conerned.... AND SAFE. You can be safe while you go through this.

Normal is a setting on the dish washer. Most people in the world considered "normal" I wouldn't trust or want to spend time with. You, you are someone worth having on the planet. Please breathe, center, and focus on things you CAN do - pray if that suits you - for your friend - be in meditation, take a hot bath with bubbles, go for walks, draw out all your frustrations (try charchol or pastels, get your hands nice and dirty and the feeling of really getting in there). scribble in a coloring book with crayons.... try something tactile to get you re-directed.
Many hugs to you!!!
Kiya