I have a lot of goals, and little motivation. In terms of long terms goals with things like work and school, I keep changing my mind, too. One day I will want to take one type of class, the next, I want to stick with something else that I'm already doing. I was planning on moving forward with a college class this fall, but with the cost $ and the anxiety I experienced, I decided not to. I don't regret this.

I am not able to write this all out, due to emotional stress writing it. But I have changed my mind SO much this summer on the subject(s) I would focus on... Even with just community classes and MOOC (free online) classes. It is hard to just stick with something.

It has been so stressful for me to keep changing my mind. I personally think I need to make a commitment and stick with it. Even when I don't want to and times get tough. Which they will.

I've realized this (that I need to stick with something and make a commitment), and am in that process right now. Edit: I really do have such a hard time choosing and sticking to something. How do I choose and stick with something?

My problem with this though, is that I'm REALLY concerned about what people think about me that I keep changing my mind. A few weeks ago, I told my friend I'm taking a certain class. I was so excited about it so I'm embarrassed to say I'm not taking it anymore. She brought it up today and was like, "that sounds so fun." I didn't have the guts to tell her I decided not to take it. My therapist also mentioned to me, when I said I'm not taking it anymore "But you were so excited about it. What changed?" Which made me feel badly and like a crazy person.

I feel this DEEP need to apologize to others for my changing mind and choices. But when I write that out, I think maybe that's silly. I do not need to apologize to others for what I choose to do with my life. Even if it's confusing to them, or disappointing to them. I think I just worry what others think of me.

I also felt annoyed when my therapist asked me what changed? Because it didn't feel important, I needed to talk to her about something important, and I couldn't because she wanted to know "what changed?" And I couldn't think. I don't think I need to explain myself to others if I don't want to. Even my therapist.

Thanks for listening. I could use some support.