Hello, everyone,

I originally posted this thread in the caregivers section as I didn't want to intrude in this section, since I do not have bipolar myself, but I was advised by a member that it might be more appropriate to post here. I hope that's ok.

I was directed to this forum by a friend who lives with bipolar II after he told me that the erratic behavior of my ex boyfriend reminds him of his experience with bipolar. I am not looking to 'diagnose' him - merely to try and make some sense of something that has left me spinning and confused.

I have been seeing a 30 y.o. guy for almost a year. Our situation is a little unusual: I work online and therefore have been moving countries once every few months for the past several years since I'm not tied anywhere by my job. He has been doing the same, although looking for work wherever he goes. So when we met, I thought we were a great match. Around five months ago, we moved together to Laos, he found a job and we'd been living peacefully, with the plan of staying for about a year before relocating somewhere else.

I met him in italy when he was staying with some friends, right after a long motorbike trip around Europe which included an impulsive trip to Canada for two weeks in which he spent all his money. When I met him he was acting normal... We dated, spent quiet time together, he went out partying a couple of times but nothing out of the ordinary.

Then we moved to Laos and he became hyperactive and reckless. He was unable to sit still, even spending half an hour alone with me after work was impossible - party party party, during which he was unable to stay still, kept running around talking to everyone, always drinking until 5 am then off to work and starting again as soon as he was off. He did always take me with him saying it was more fun with me around, but the truth is I might as well not have been there since he gave attention to everyone but me. Eventually he started to seem annoyed by my presence, saying having to give me attention, be nice to me and "please me" was taxing, that he just wanted to be "alone" meaning surrounded by strangers he didn't have to think about and could be rude to.

During this phase I experienced the random bouts of rage where he threw anything in my face including the fact that I was hungry and wanted dinner - saying he didn't need to eat or sleep, he just wanted to party and go crazy and dance on tables and my being around was "holding him back" even though I never actually tried to restrain him at all - it was all in his head. Whenever we were alone he was exhausted, just reading, lost all interest in sex. But as soon as any stranger was around, he would jump up and explode with energy.

And then disaster struck.

The business where he worked was sold and the new owner, without even talking to him face to face, let him know he'd be replaced by a cousin and let go. He suddenly exploded into anger and darkness, ended up being fired on the spot for being rude to the new owner and the staff, and he was taking it out on me. I kept my distance, figuring it would pass. But the next morning he told me his heart is shut, he has no feelings for anyone, he hates everything and everyone and he wanted to break up with me and start over alone a new life in a new country. To say I was shocked and devastated is an understatement. Until two days earlier we were still planning what to do in case the job didn't work out - go home, see our families, then pick another country and move - and suddenly he was this angry, cold stranger. When I was crying, he was actually annoyed and muttering he should have just up and disappeared to avoid all complications - while anytime I'd been upset before he'd been so loving and concerned. I didn't even recognize this person.

Such an extreme overreaction that left me astonished, when up until the day before he was calmly saying if the job didn't work out he'd just look for another one, or we could just move somewhere else.

I moved to a farm where I used to work, and the strange thing is that he moved there with me. I welcomed him to stay because I was concerned about him - he seemed dead, not talking, not smiling. Even when he managed to laugh and chat, after he would say that he feels no happiness and is not having fun, that there's nothing to do but wait for death. That he just wants to be alone and can't think about anyone else.

The strange thing is, that the last week I spent there after the breakup, things were great. We were still together 24/7, we took a road trip and had an amazing time, we chatted and laughed and frankly got along much better than we had in the past. When I asked him how this was any different than being in a relationship, he said it's because in his head he's alone - thinking only about himself - and that although we get along wonderfully, are a perfect match, I was the perfect girlfriend, he still wants to drop everything and start over alone somewhere else (to get 'high' on all the distractions of a new life so he can feel temporarily better) although he knows it won't work, he will not be happy, because he's been doing it all his life but it never works.

He told me he's diagnosed as depressive. HIs father committed suicide from severe depression when he was 14 and he never got over that. His mother has been writing to me worried sick about how he's always done this, and it's like he has two different personalities, and it's not normal, and he should go to a doctor and take medication. I wished her the best, but there's nothing I can do about it.

realized also that his last long relationship, also almost one year, was long distance. I actually think things would have been better if we too had been long distance meeting only every now and then, so I would have been a positive exciting element rather than part of the routine that he couldn't stand.

Also, he has a history of settling down somewhere, building a life, then suddenly running away to start over in a new country. I assumed they were planned moves like they are for me (I also relocate a lot since I work online) but I think for him it's actually more of a compulsion.

I don't know if this could fit with bipolar or something else. It would seem from a few stories I read on other forums that after the crash he would get closer, not end things. But I don't know. And it doesn't really matter... I'm just trying to make some kind of sense of it all in my head.

Thank you so very much for putting up with the novel I just wrote...