In reflection on my life, I was always damaged. Always barely hanging on to my sanity. I was always a screw-up.

My main mistakes came from being so lonely that I could not stand it. I got no companionship from the idiot family members who traumatized me. I tried to have friends but always ended up with people who disrespected me, helped me self-destruct with substance abuse, or who were generally not going to help me be successful. All my bad behavior: substance abuse, going to bars and strip clubs, or any other bad behavior was all based on trying to fill that loneliness hollow in my gut.

I never had an older person take an interest in me! Neither of my parents paid any attention to my brother's abuse of me. Neither communicated with me in a sane way. It was not until I got married in 1987 and got to socialize with my wife's father, that I had contact with a mature successful male. My father-in-law was the only role model that I ever had. (My Dad who was a successful medical doctor could have been a role model for me. If my parents had stopped my brother's abuse of me so that I could think! Maybe then I would have been able to study my Dad. But even Dad caused me emotional pain. He was the nagging type of father.)

It is completely abnormal for a human not to have relationships with adults throughout the whole of life. I guess my Father thought that the schools or the TV would teach me about life. I never developed at all. I was always a nerd!