I don't know exactly how you feel but I'm moving cities and I'm scared to death to find a new pdoc and therapist because I like mine so much.

I also understand about the funeral/wake. If you can't do it don't. If you are close to the surviving members wait until after the funeral and you are in a better place. Then reach out to them or go visit them. So often people are inundated leading up to the funeral then everyone goes back to their lives and surviving loved ones are left with depression. Who better to understand depression than someone with BP? I have done that on a number of occasions. It might not work for you but it helps me.