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Old Jul 30, 2018, 10:00 AM
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katydid777 katydid777 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: georgia
Posts: 2,137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
I've been struggling with this thing my entire life and I have yet to understand it. This might belong in the R&C forum but I'm not sure or maybe somewhere else.

Anyway, I've been thinking about something today, about how no matter what mood/state I am in the majority of people I know aren't happy with me. I'll be depressed and I'll be told that I'm "bringing them down". Okay, so I'll be happy (or at least pretend to be), now it seems I'm annoying them. Okay, I'll be neutral, now they just seem bored with me. If I'm angry, I'm too emotional or it's all in my head.

Why the hell am I never okay according to them? If they don't want me around, why invite me over and talk to me? Seriously, what's the point if you're never ****ing happy with me? Is it because I talk you off the ledge? Is it because I try to make you feel important? Is it only because of what I do for you?

Why can't I just be me?

Am I just a person no one cares about, a person to take advantage of as long as possible? As long as I allow people to treat me like ****? Am I just a doormat?

I realize this is more of a rant than anything and I truly don't know if this is just my head screwing with me. I just can't stop feeling used and unwanted. I thought when my depression lifted I wouldn't feel this way anymore, but I still do, I still feel like a burden more than anything. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I ****ing hate myself and that could have something to do with it, but what if it isn't? What if this whole time I just ignored certain things to keep the relationships?

I'll probably bring this up with my T, but if someone here could help me then I'd appreciate it.
I have felt like a door matt all of my life, and it isn't a good feeling. It is very hard to think that everyone in your daily life takes advantage of your kindness, compassion, and them knowing that if they ask you, you will take care of what ever. I agree with everyone else that you need to talk with your T about this. I was told at the time I had a long term T, that I need to be assertive, set boundarys, and stand up for my self. I have found this to be very hard, bc I am 53, and have been a door matt all of my life. Please bring it up with your T. I don't know your age, but please don't let this happen to you for as long as I have. BC I have done this all my life, I don't know who I am, or how to be!!!
Hugs from:
MtnTime2896
Thanks for this!
MtnTime2896