Quote:
Originally Posted by Embers88
I was also wondering, if it's not too much trouble, if I may inquire further about the issue that leaves me most perplexed - this huge overreaction to what seemed a minor and manageable issue up until the day before, the job loss. I told him I didn't understand why it had destroyed him so much and he said he didn't know either.
This extreme reaction of hatred of life and wanting to run away to start a new life where nobody knows him (which appears to be the common pattern in his life) is perplexing. I did find a thread on Reddit where a few people with bipolar described doing the same thing regularly, or at least wanting to but being unable because of practical matters, but I didn't get much insight on the mental process that brings on this urge.
I was wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar, or if you might know of any resources where I might gather more information. Once again I apologise for the bother - it's a lot of new information and I'm feeling a little lost.
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He probably completely meant it when he said he didn’t know why. There are so many triggers, especially stress, that provoke a shift on the bipolar spectrum. I can logically recognize when I’m being irrational, but it doesn’t mean I can help it. There’s an intense, all-consuming SURGE of EVERY SINGLE emotion possible, and it is sometimes expressed in the form of rage. Even if I’m mostly sad, or confused, or afraid (or whatever), the overall processing is as rage. Sometime I get very manic. Sometimes I get very depressed. Sometimes, again, it’s rage. Irritability. Agitation. While I am most self-destructive when I’m manic, I can be extremely self-destructive when I rage. Almost always, I’m triggered by the most seemingly-insufficient matter. Reason is neglected. It’s so uncontrollable. ALSO, it festers! I get angry at myself for being so angry or out of control— then I’m pissed because of that. Then I’m angry at my existence. Then I loathe everyone else. It’s an ugly and vicious cycle.