i've been in a good mood for the past couple of months. usually i go in and out of depression but rarely go up to a nice mood where i'm happy and functioning. usually i get to the point of functioning but not quite happy.

i got sick almost two weeks ago, coinciding with a tiny change in my meds, and since then i've been feeling really weird, and sometimes it's nice and other times it's not nice. i'm really torn between just going with the flow, or contacting my dr and saying things are getting weird. i've got a lot of energy, but not a lot of concentration, and despite being sick with flu/whatever, i'm finding it hard to take it easy, just want to be physically active, but i'm in a good mood also despite work being crazy. i'm not used to feeling so energetic and out there. some of the time i've felt a bit "too" up - i don't have bipolar disorder though - but other times it's just nice to feel so energetic and feel like seizing the moment all the time. it's just not really working to want to seize the moment when i can't breathe properly. i've ended up spending money that i didn't plan to spend, and i really want to quit seeing my therapist or go to a different therapist, and it's getting really hard to sit on my hands and not just email him and say that i'm not coming any more.

i kind of feel like making a big change, no matter what it is, and just feel like doing something spontaneous Right Now, but part of me knows that i have to go to work tomorrow and that's not going to work if i'm toooo spontaneous right now. work is basically just stopping me from acting out right now, really. like, i really need the money etc but i'm having a lot of random impulsive thoughts about running away, SH, etc. i'm in a good mood, but my thoughts are all over the place. i always feel too stupid to contact my dr though. that part of me just wants to hide at home and be good and calm down on my own, but i know it's a red light when i think randomly about acting out - but i just hate feeling like i'm annoying the dr.

anyway, i just needed to get that out - part of the energy is really wanting to talk to people, and i'm not around friends right now, but i keep messaging them and i think they're going to get really sick of it in a bit.