Hello, I am new to this forum.

I am uncertain if this is the right sub forum under which to post, so I do apologise in advance.

I am seeking advice regarding a very specific fetish I've had ever since I entered high school, which was about six year ago. I am nearly 21 now.

Very long story cut short, I was extremely naive and too trusting of people. I was questioning my sexuality at the time and I felt extremely lost and isolated - also I was not aware of my high functioning autism at that stage. Retrospectively, I had confused my questioning with the emergence of this fetish, which naturally created chaos within me. I ended up confiding in my "friends" (later found out I was dead wrong), by describing this fetish to them and hoping to discover an answer to my conundrum. Essentially this was taken out of context and I was nearly suspended...but thank goodness I managed to resolve the situation.

Fast forward through the next few years up until now, this fetish has destroyed my social and dating life. My inhibitions in this regard are non-existent and I can't stop talking about it with people - mainly the ones who would "qualify" to live out the fetish with me.

I have lost so many friends and potential partners due to my mouth that won't shut up about it. I feel this fetish has consumed my life, it has polluted my thoughts and is interfering with my studies. I even ended up in hospital last year because I had developed depression as a result.

I have thought of trying to locate someone with whom I may "experience" this fetish but without success. I have this idea that once I can experience it once and then I will subconsciously lose interest in it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm very desperate for a possible solution.