Last night I made the terrible, stupid decision to pass a semi truck on a two-lane road, so I was driving towards oncoming traffic. There was a car coming. Instead of backing out of the pass and returning to behind the truck I stupidly gunned it and just barely made it back into my lane without hitting the car. It flashed its lights at me, and the truck honked. I don't blame them. I can't believe how stupid I was. I immediately regretted it, but was such an idiot that I didn't correct myself and play it safe. My heart was racing and I found myself trembling like crazy. I actually took a different route after that because I wanted to get away from the other cars. What messes with my mind the most is that I could have killed someone. I could have died too but what's worse is that I made a dumb choice that would have ended someone else's life. That person was probably terrified. I caused that.
I went home and cried, and am crying again today about it. If I could get one replay in life I would change this moment. I have never done something this reckless in my driving before and it actually makes me not want to drive. It's also making my depression so much worse and I want to isolate myself from the world. I feel like such a danger, and then I'm also scared that something will trigger me to flashback to that moment and I'll have a panic attack. I know that what happened, happened and I can't change it, but I can't live with all this guilt.